"Dramatic camera movements..."

Went to the post office in town yesterday and there was a massive queue. Normally I'd just get some stamps from the machine but I was sending a book and I didn't know how many stamps to use. I was surprised to see such a large queue at that time of the day. If it was lunchtime I could understand it but this was around five o'clock. I really didn't feel like standing in the queue for ages so I took out my machete and started hacking up the people in front of me. Within a couple of minutes the queue had been reduced by a third, but there was still a lot to go. At this point I got a bit carried away and accidentally cut off my own left arm. I put it in my bag and went to the bus stop, using a passing snake as a tourniquet. When I got home I re-attached the arm using shoelaces and chewing gum. Then I realised that I still hadn't posted the book. Dammit.