"The curtains in my room are brown..."

The oscars were held last night but I have no idea who won. I boycotted them in protest at the lack of nominations for the deeply-moving film 'Cold Coffee'. The film, which tells the story of a blind piano tuner who is literally unable to decide whether to shit or get off the pot, and starves to death while sat on the toilet, was easily the best film of last year, and at the very least should have received a best actor nomination for leading man Javier Bordello.