"The most fascinating cultural work of the year."

I finally saw Hostel today. I wasn't planning on going to see it due to some of the reviews I'd read, but Eli Roth came round to my house and personally begged me to go. He was following me round for days and at one point even got on his knees and started kissing my feet. That was when I agreed to go and see it.
He came with me to the cinema, and even offered to buy me popcorn, but didn't actually come into the screening with me. He said he was worried that the audience might turn on him, or worse still, mistake him for Harvey Keitel. The last screening he went to, he spent three hours afterwards listening to some old woman telling him he needed to make another film with Scorcese.
After the film he was waiting eagerly and demanded to know what I thought. When I told him he looked at me for a second, a hurt look in his eyes, then turned and ran out of the cinema, crying loudly.